Julianna Ainsleigh 
Ever wondered how humanity handled its most humbling daily task before Andrex and scented wipes? From pottery shards to corncobs, here’s how bottoms got the royal treatment through the ages.
1. Ancient Greece: Revenge, but Make It Sanitary
Evidence suggests that the Greeks used bits of pottery called pessoi. Sometimes they scratched their enemies’ names onto them first. Nothing like showing them what you really thought of them — up close and personal.
2. Ancient Rome: The Sponge on a Stick
Romans shared a communal sponge on a stick, called a tersorium, soaked in vinegar water. Shared. Rinsed. Reused. A fine idea — if you didn’t mind other people’s vinegar.
3. Egypt: Sands of Time (and Grit)
In the desert, smooth stones, sand, and little lumps of clay did the trick, practical and slightly exfoliating. Bare hands were not used; instead, the sand was a barrier to the hand. However, in wealthier homes, servants poured water over the hands — an early, if sandy, form of room service.
4. China: Ahead of the (Toilet) Roll
By the 2nd century BCE, the Chinese were using bamboo sticks wrapped in cloth, and by the 6th century CE, actual paper — the first recorded toilet paper in history. Civilisation indeed.
5. Medieval Europe: The Rough Patch
Leaves, straw, moss, and snow were common. Nobles might use wool or lace — nothing like a luxury wipe to remind you of your station. The poorer classes relied on what they could gather from the land — usually soft moss or broad leaves — while the wealthy used small linen or wool scraps that could be washed and reused.
6. The Islamic World & India: Clean and Civilised
Muslim and Hindu cultures favoured washing with water rather than wiping with dry materials — a practical and remarkably hygienic method for the era.
7. Early America: The Corncob Chronicles
Pioneers used dried corncobs — apparently effective, if rustic. Later, newspapers and the Sears catalogue became the multi-purpose “bathroom reading and wiping” combo.
8. Victorian Times: The Paper Age Begins
In 1857, Joseph Gayetty sold “Medicated Paper for the Water-Closet.” Aloe-infused sheets, sold in packs. A gentler wipe was born, and bottoms everywhere rejoiced.
9. Modern Era: Softness, Scent, and the Smart Loo
Today, we have quilted 3-ply and Japanese toilets that can sing, rinse, and dry you in under a minute. Humanity has finally wiped itself clean of its gritty past.
