Julianna 
They powdered their wigs with flour, brushed with pee, and called it class. The 9 worst hygiene habits ever, proof that humanity reeked before it rose.
(Because evolution took one sniff and almost gave up.)
1. The Late Medieval Bath Boycott
(“Who needs soap when you have sin?”)
People largely stopped bathing from the 16th century. They thought it let in disease, so they focused on keeping their linen underwear clean so at least that didn’t stink even if the rest of them did.
Bathing was heresy; filth was faith.
2. Wigs Full of Wildlife
(“A head full of secrets—and fleas.”)
Those powdered wigs were basically vermin Bed and Breakfasts. Lice, mites, and the occasional mouse. People scratched through them with long metal sticks while pretending to discuss philosophy. Why? They often contained animal fat, so it was like a gourmet meal to all those insects.
Every wig had a heartbeat.
3. Chamber Pots Out the Window
(“Nothing says ‘good morning’ like airborne sewage.”)
People dumped waste right into the street, liquid, solid, whatever the night produced. The stench was so thick it probably had fingerprints.
The only thing lower than class was their aim.
4. Toothpaste Made of Ash, Bones & Urine
(“Smile! You’re marinating in ammonia.”)
Romans brushed with powdered bones, ashes, and pee. “Toothpaste” was basically cremation dust and a public toilet. Of course, it made their teeth worse thanks to ammonia and a whole host of other ingredients.
Fresh breath courtesy of the dead.
5. Perfume Instead of Bathing
(“Smell the decadence, or die trying.”)
At Versailles, perfume replaced bathing. They spritzed between layers of fabric like it could fight entropy. The result was a floral miasma of rot, musk, and denial.
Eau de corpse chic.
6. Sharing Bathwater
(“Marinating the family since 1750.”)
One tub. Everyone in it. Dad first, baby last. By then, it was more stew than soak, a broth rich in DNA and despair.
Hygiene: zero. Soup: unlimited.
7. Dentistry by Torture
(“Now bite down and scream quietly.”)
Before anaesthetics, tooth pulling was a public event. Iron tools, shaking hands, and prayers that never worked.
The only thing extracted was hope.
8. Victorian Sweat Denial
(“When your corset’s tighter than your humour.”)
Victorians wore ten layers in summer, terrified of sweating. Underneath, their bodies fermented like forgotten fruit.
London fog was 70 percent armpit.
9. Ancient Eye Makeup Made of Lead
(“Look gorgeous. Die faster.”)
Egyptians smeared lead around their eyes for beauty and “protection.” Protection from what? A long life, apparently. They even thought the lead would protect their eyes.
Beauty by brain damage.
Final Line
We weren’t filthy because we didn’t know better. We were filthy because we liked the smell of denial.
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